im unorganized

im messy

im moody

sometimes selfish

sometimes stubborn

i smoke too much

i drink too much

i swear too much

i care too much

i dont do enough

i put my efforts into meaningless things

im scared of failure

im scared to suceede

i dont smile enough

i dont say enough kind words

i blow people off

i am broke

i am careless

i dont go to class enough

i text too much

i eat too much

i sleep too much or not enough

i hold grudges

and i dont believe in myself enough

despite all my flaws

i am finally starting to feel like myself again

im finally feeling alive again

im working on my flaws

but ive accepted

that this is ME

this is who i AM

and ill take it

im getting a tattoo to represent my new found sense of self. the past year or so has been rough

but im getting somewhere

ramble

alright so you wanna know whats new? here it be

soooo steve turned out to be a fucker. literally worst thing ever. ill get mad if i go into more detail so i will spare you. but lets just say i would give anything to punch him in his lying mouth

and school. well school is ok. i like my classes and all. there not horrid. but idk im lacking motivation lately. liike i just dont feel like doing it. i dont necessarily wanna be lazy, ive actually been pretty energetic lately... but its more like i dont have the focus. or the drive to just do what i gotta do. im going to have to do something about that soon. idk what tho. suggestions?

and well they scheduled my dads surgery. march 15th. its been a confusing issue that involves alot of things that i never really thought i would have to deal with let alone have any clue on exactly how to deal with it. but im surprisingly positive feeling about it, a little scared still, but i feel like its going to be ok. and its brought me closer to my family. which is an adjustment, cuz my family has the weirdest relationship. but im happy that its getting stronger and itll be nice to see what happens after the surgery. just pray for us (or whatever it is you do).

work. well work is good. lol its work. not too much to say about it. im not completly bored most days so that works. im thankful to have a job fo sho.

lets seeee what else.....

as far as me personally, im doin alright. things are confusing and constantly changing in my life. but im very happy with what i have an kno i am fortunate. i mean we all have our bad days and my emotions get very up and down, but i feel like i am taking the necessary steps to improve myself. finally right? lol but to all of my friends who have supported me thru everything i cant thank you enough, i realise how much you do for me and how much you have put up with ;) so thank you

also i need to start doing things in my free time that i used to. things that make me happy. hobbies. spend some time just enjoying everything around me and the people who love me.

soooo that being said i have run out of things to share. now i should do my homework (in which this blog has allowed me an extra ten min of procrastination at least)

if you read this thanks :)