late night

long day

this is my life.


ill admit its my own fault. i let you do this to me.

why?
i ask myself that every single day

but in the end.
its simply that i cared about you. aand still do.

and i would do anything for you


even if it kills me

and thats the honest to god truth






aint that a bitch?

idk how i got here exactly.

but its time i made some serious decisions about it and stop being upset that this is how things ended up

im sure i will have some big news to share soon...

and she asked herself

"how did i get this way"

was it too many ciggarettes
or too many nights alone

was it too many chances
or taking a chance when she had everything to loose

was it too many emotions
or not feeling quite enough

was it the failure
or being afraid of sucess

was it hating what she was becoming
or the inability to stop what had already started


was it the fact that she was never quite enough no matter what she did

or was it the simple fact that she coudlnt change what she despratly needed to...

so im jsut going to go on pretending you didnt hurt me

yup thats exactly what im going to do

and hopefully

one day i will wake up

and it will actually be true

i want to tell you a story
a true story
one that gives me hope
and reminds me that even in a harsh world, the love we want so badly to believe in, does in fact exist



so im planning on surprising my parents and getting a new tattoo
normally they would be pissed. but this tattoo represents them
it is going to be the letters FAAW
this stands for "Forever and a Week"
and that is how my dad signs all of his cards to my mom
which btw is adorable in itself

but what is more adorable is this

i had to go looking through all my moms old stuff to find a card with FAAW written on it so i can get the tattoo in my dads handwriting
and i was going through this old box filled with all my moms cards from the time her and my dad meet all the way through their first year of marriage
and as i was reading and looking through these cards while they were distracted with loto scratch offs downstairs, i started to read some of the letters and notes in th cards

some of them were about how he was jsut missing her at work, others were about hollidays and special occasions, some were written on napkins, or the paper from my dads old work, some were stickey notes, some were letters, some were "im sorry for being crankey today" kind of cards. every type of card, note, reminder, and letter you could imagine.
all reminding me, that my dad is completly, and irriversably, madly in love with my mother.

i mean these letters were so cute. one was about how he knows things are tough and they were going through a rough spot, but that together they can get through anything cuz she is the person that he wants to spend the rest of his life with and loves more than he ever thought he could love anyone.


all this kind of choked me up. i mean sometimes its hard to believe this idea of love taht we see in the movies, and the idea of love that i want so badly to believe in. the idea that love is all you will ever need. but seeing those letters reminded me that no matter how bad things are, something like that is possible, and that alone is worth living my life for. the idea that life can bring you something or someone that amazing. well that makes me more hopeful than i have felt in a long time

and i realise, that i will be lucky to one day turn into my mother, and marry a man exaclty like my father.

wow. im really confused






kthanksbye

whats that?

a light at the end of the tunnel?

huh, might as well see what it is...

but walk cautiously