i want to tell you a story
a true story
one that gives me hope
and reminds me that even in a harsh world, the love we want so badly to believe in, does in fact exist



so im planning on surprising my parents and getting a new tattoo
normally they would be pissed. but this tattoo represents them
it is going to be the letters FAAW
this stands for "Forever and a Week"
and that is how my dad signs all of his cards to my mom
which btw is adorable in itself

but what is more adorable is this

i had to go looking through all my moms old stuff to find a card with FAAW written on it so i can get the tattoo in my dads handwriting
and i was going through this old box filled with all my moms cards from the time her and my dad meet all the way through their first year of marriage
and as i was reading and looking through these cards while they were distracted with loto scratch offs downstairs, i started to read some of the letters and notes in th cards

some of them were about how he was jsut missing her at work, others were about hollidays and special occasions, some were written on napkins, or the paper from my dads old work, some were stickey notes, some were letters, some were "im sorry for being crankey today" kind of cards. every type of card, note, reminder, and letter you could imagine.
all reminding me, that my dad is completly, and irriversably, madly in love with my mother.

i mean these letters were so cute. one was about how he knows things are tough and they were going through a rough spot, but that together they can get through anything cuz she is the person that he wants to spend the rest of his life with and loves more than he ever thought he could love anyone.


all this kind of choked me up. i mean sometimes its hard to believe this idea of love taht we see in the movies, and the idea of love that i want so badly to believe in. the idea that love is all you will ever need. but seeing those letters reminded me that no matter how bad things are, something like that is possible, and that alone is worth living my life for. the idea that life can bring you something or someone that amazing. well that makes me more hopeful than i have felt in a long time

and i realise, that i will be lucky to one day turn into my mother, and marry a man exaclty like my father.

wow. im really confused






kthanksbye

whats that?

a light at the end of the tunnel?

huh, might as well see what it is...

but walk cautiously

oddest feeling in the world:

sitting alone in the middle of no where
confused frustrated and lost
knowing that even if anyone knew where you were
they would NOT come find you
so its time to decide

give up, or get up and find your own way out

so today made me think. alot.

life has been pretty shitty latley. and today was no acception.

however. i realised something today.

first thing this morning i was sitting outside feeling angry and upset, and a gorgous butterfly came out of no where and landed in front of me. the kind of butterfly that isnt always jsut flying around in my weed filled back yard that has no flowerd. and it made me stop and think. at how many more things in this world there are besides these problems that i cant seem to see past. made me realise there are so many small yet amazing things in this world that i completly look over every single day.

where did the time go when i wanted to explore the world and see everything beautiful and moving that there was to see? where did my dreams go? and sense when am i the type of person to be sitting alone in my house sulking, and worrying myself sick over things i cant control?

unfortunatly after this realization, i did let myself fall back into freting over my rediculous issues, untill later i was reminded again.

i was hanging out with one of my oldest friends. she knows who she is. haha
and i realised that i forgot just how well she knows me. she knows i have trouble letting these problems go. but distracts me with things like brownies, golf cart rides, and walks talking about our childhood adventures. and it was then, walking on the railroad tracks, taking pics, and stopping to stare at deer, that i remembered again. that no matter what my problems are, the railroad tracks will always be there.
memories will always be there. beautiful and moving events will always be happening even where you least expect it.

also this brought another thought. that terrible and heartbreaking things are always happening around you wheather you know it or not. i was driving the other day, and realised that every house i pass, there could be someone in that house with a broken heart. someone could be in there hurting themselves or someone they love. and just driving by we would never know it.

my point in this. is that everywhere someone is going through something good, or something terrible. therefore whichever one of these highs or lows you may be going through, there is always somewhere where the opposite is possible. we should cherish the good times beacuse they break up the bad, adn we should learn from the bad times beacuse good ones are just around the corner and being bitter and angry wont allow us to enjoy the good times.



so with that you have my rant of the night.
hope it made as much sense to you as it did to me in my exhausted state

love

so

idk what else to say besides im scared.


and sometimes i act a little crazy when i get scared.

i am so fucking over it