im unorganized

im messy

im moody

sometimes selfish

sometimes stubborn

i smoke too much

i drink too much

i swear too much

i care too much

i dont do enough

i put my efforts into meaningless things

im scared of failure

im scared to suceede

i dont smile enough

i dont say enough kind words

i blow people off

i am broke

i am careless

i dont go to class enough

i text too much

i eat too much

i sleep too much or not enough

i hold grudges

and i dont believe in myself enough

despite all my flaws

i am finally starting to feel like myself again

im finally feeling alive again

im working on my flaws

but ive accepted

that this is ME

this is who i AM

and ill take it

im getting a tattoo to represent my new found sense of self. the past year or so has been rough

but im getting somewhere

ramble

alright so you wanna know whats new? here it be

soooo steve turned out to be a fucker. literally worst thing ever. ill get mad if i go into more detail so i will spare you. but lets just say i would give anything to punch him in his lying mouth

and school. well school is ok. i like my classes and all. there not horrid. but idk im lacking motivation lately. liike i just dont feel like doing it. i dont necessarily wanna be lazy, ive actually been pretty energetic lately... but its more like i dont have the focus. or the drive to just do what i gotta do. im going to have to do something about that soon. idk what tho. suggestions?

and well they scheduled my dads surgery. march 15th. its been a confusing issue that involves alot of things that i never really thought i would have to deal with let alone have any clue on exactly how to deal with it. but im surprisingly positive feeling about it, a little scared still, but i feel like its going to be ok. and its brought me closer to my family. which is an adjustment, cuz my family has the weirdest relationship. but im happy that its getting stronger and itll be nice to see what happens after the surgery. just pray for us (or whatever it is you do).

work. well work is good. lol its work. not too much to say about it. im not completly bored most days so that works. im thankful to have a job fo sho.

lets seeee what else.....

as far as me personally, im doin alright. things are confusing and constantly changing in my life. but im very happy with what i have an kno i am fortunate. i mean we all have our bad days and my emotions get very up and down, but i feel like i am taking the necessary steps to improve myself. finally right? lol but to all of my friends who have supported me thru everything i cant thank you enough, i realise how much you do for me and how much you have put up with ;) so thank you

also i need to start doing things in my free time that i used to. things that make me happy. hobbies. spend some time just enjoying everything around me and the people who love me.

soooo that being said i have run out of things to share. now i should do my homework (in which this blog has allowed me an extra ten min of procrastination at least)

if you read this thanks :)

didnt you know how much i loved you by kellie pickler.


story. of. my. life.

dont pretend to be something you are not. you owe that to yourself at least.

give me something more

i NEED something more than this

"It's All Your Fault"
I'd conjure up the thought of being gone
But I'd probably even do that wrong
I try to think about which way
Would I be able to and would I be afraid
Cause oh I'm bleeding out inside
Oh I don't even mind
(yeah)It's all your fault
You called me beautiful
You turned me out
And now I can't turn back
I hold my breath
Because you were perfect
But I'm running out of air
And it's not fair
Da da dada da dada daDa dadadadadada da dadadadadada
I'm trying to figure out what else to say
(what else could I say?)To make you turn around and come back this way
(Would you just come back this way)I feel like we could be really awesome together
So make up your mind cause it's now or never
(oh)It's all your fault
You called me beautiful
You turned me out
And now I can't turn back
I hold my breathBecause you were perfect
But I'm running out of air
And it's not fair
I would never pull the trigger
But I've cried wolf a thousand times
I wish you could
Feel as bad as I do
I have lost my mind
It's all your fault
You called me beautiful
You turned me out
And now I can't turn back
I hold (I hold) my breath (my breath)
Because you were perfect
But I'm running out of air (running out of air)
And it's not fair(Oh yeahIt's all your fault)
I hold my breathBecause you were perfect
But I'm running out of air
And it's not (it's not) fair


more pink. this ones even better

"I Don't Believe You"
I don't mind it I don't mind at all It's like you're the swing set and I'm the kid that falls
It's like the way we fight, the times I've cried, we come to blows
And every night the passion's there so it's gotta be right, right?
[Chorus:]
No I don't believe you
when you say don't come around here no more
I won't remind youYou said we wouldn't be apart
No, I don't believe you
When you say you don't need me anymore
So don't pretend
To not love me at all

I don't mind it
I still don't mind at all
It's like one of those bad dreams when you can't wake up
Looks like you've given up, you've had enough
But I want more no I won't stop'cause I just know you'll come around... right?
[Chorus]
Just don't stand there and watch me fall'cause I, 'cause I still don't mind at all
It's like the way we fight, the times I cry, we come to blows
And every night the passion's there so it's gotta be right, right?
[Chorus]
I don't believe you



pink is my new hero. she sings about my life. i wish i was that bad ass lol