sometimes you get so sick of the ups and downs,
the way your mind body and soul are being pulled in so many directions,
the way pain and stress and worry wear at your person for so long,

that you just want a constant.
and then you get it,
and you have no idea what to do with it.

when your at that constant,
everything feels so surreal,
like this cant really be happening,
beacuse your so used to another constant inner struggle.

so sometimes,
when we get the thing we strive for most,
we are so thrown off,
by the calmness,
and the peace within ourselves,
we purposly distroy it.

we finally get what we always deserved,
and we throw ourselves right back into hell,
beacuse in hell you feel things,
in hell you know what is you want,
and what our emotions are.

we purposly destroy ourseves.
beacuse we cant NOT feel.
beacuse it is human nature.

and the only peace of mind we get. is when someone comes along who loves us enough to stop us.