i spent alot of time with my father over the weekend
which is weird beacuse when i lived at home we probably spoke for no more than 20 min a week total.

the thing about my father and i is that we are the exact same person. thats usually why we but heads so much
but wehn we do get along. its great
and we got along this weekend really well

and the thing i realised is that although my father and i are alot alike. he has one big quality that i sometimes lack

he has this amazing way of looking at the world from a very simple point of view. he can take a situation and twist it so that it all seems very black and white. and therefore the situation can be passed and everyne can learn and move on. now i realise this cannot work for EVERY situation. but im finding that it can work for alot of things that i always thought were so complicated.

and its amazing how different your life looks when viewed from this black and white angle. mind you we still need to see colors. but sometimes it helps to be colorblind when you feel particularly stuck in a situation.

i think thats what i need to do now.
go color blind and appologize and learn from this.

thanks dad. you will never read this. and i could never say these things to your face.
but i love you and you have taught me more than i could ever learn on my own.

i have never had a holliday that sucked quite like this one.

its weird ya kno? im not really into thanksgiving most the time, like i dont get all pumped up and excited that i have to awkwardly sit with family. but usually it is nice to have them all together and be warm and full of food.

but this year i feel really lonley. my family left. my dad is here but working jsut like me. i picked up extra hours at work cuz i didnt kno what else to do. and we wont even be busy. the ppl who are home from school and i really wanna see will be busy with there actual thanksgivings and family time.

and idk. i didnt think i would be so sad.
but honestly. i really really am. like i jsut feel alone and sad.
at the time of year your not supposed to feel those things.
thats what gets me most

"and finally, i realised that i had found what i had been looking for,
without ever being quite sure what it was"

l.o.v.e.

might as well go with this new trend for a bit
lyrics say it better than i can anyways


"So Much"

How does it feel to know you're everything I need The butterflies in my stomach They could bring me to my knees How does it feel to know you're everything I want I've got a hard time saying this So I'll sing it in a song Oh I adore the way you carry yourself With the grace of a thousand angels overhead I love the way the galaxy starts to melt When we become one When we become one When we become one When we become one How does it feel How does it feel when we get locked into a stare? Please don't come looking for me When I get lost in the mess of your hair How do you feel when everything you've known Gets thrown aside Never fear, my dear, 'cause we have nothing left to hide Oh I adore the way you carry yourself With the grace of a thousand angels overhead I love the way the galaxy starts to melt Hold on to me girl If you feel your grip getting loose Just know that I'm right next to you Hold on to me girl If you feel your grip getting loose Just know that I won't let you down Well, I'm ready Well, I'm ready I am ready To run away with you Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? To run away with me Pack your things we can leave today Pack your things we can leave today Say our goodbyes and get on the train Say goodbye Just you and I in the sweet unknown We can just call each other our home If I had to choose a way to die It'd be with you In a goosebump infested embrace With my overanxious hands cupping your face In a goosebump infested embrace With my overanxious hands cupping your cherub face How does it feel?

i am officially


out of control



you have been warned

yeah?

well

fuck it then

surprise reminder number a billion and one...finding candy wrappers in your pocket. :D


im sick of fighting the direction my life is going. and the truth is i dont want to fight it anymore. im happy.


DID YOU HEAR ME WORLD? IM HAPPY!!!

maybe not every second of every day. maybe everythings not perfect. maybe everythings changing.

but im still winning.



so stick that in your juice box and suck it