the surgery went well everything should be good. now just the recovery process

however the weekend leading up to the surgery is the lowest i have been in a long time. everyone was so busy and i found myself sitting at home alone from thursday till sunday doing absolutly nothing. i know that my friends werent like ditching me, and all still really cared beacuse the day of surgery i got alot of prayers and texts and calls. that was nice.

but i couldnt help feeling alone the past few days. like incredibly alone. i guess i was missing that type of sucrity and affection that a significant other can bring. i needed something like deep long talks at night laying in bed. i needed someone to break down my walls. cuz im sick of having to break them down myself (knowing that if i dont i will go back to a place i dont want to be)

it is exhausting to deal with all this. then to feel alone. it just put me in a really bad place. i wouldnt have survived surgery day without my "sister" so thank god for her.

as for right now im just exhausted.

physically. mentally. emotionally. everything.

sorry if this didnt make sense
i need bed lol

but if u read this thanks